Resilient

She struggles to breathe, coughing and sputtering for air. Despite the fact that she is choking, her main concern is elsewhere. She is fighting for a different cause. She extends a fragile arm and claws her way through the dust, shoving pounds of dirt out of her way. Her tired feet drag behind her. One arm swings over her head and then the other. Slowly, relentlessly she shovels the earth away from her face and body. For hours she digs in this manner. She is oblivious to the distant sounds of traffic, children playing, air conditioners humming like the steady beat of her heart. She feels the sun kiss the top of her head and she smiles. She stops to rest, wiping the sweat out of her eyes. In that moment, the hole that she has been emptying for hours begins to fill again, the unforgiving soil closing in around her. All strength depleted, she sinks to the bottom. Earth’s latest mood swing has claimed her immobile- for now. She patiently waits, knowing change will come in time. Her body relaxes and her breathing slows to a steady, gentle rhythm.  

Suddenly the ground moves beneath her and the walls tremble as if convulsing. She crawls to her knees and shoves forward. With new resolve she continues on, determined to reclaim her freedom. The stench of her own filth assaults her senses and she retches. How long has it been since she had a thorough cleansing? Obviously it’s been way too long. Spurred on by her need for a bar of soap, she uses the entire weight of her body to push herself out of the pit. She flops over onto her back and closes her eyes, heaving a heavy, contented sigh.

A gentle rain begins to cover her like an old blanket. She drinks in the sound of the drops softly pattering on her nose, eyelids, and mouth. She parts her lips and allows the water to trickle down her parched throat, grateful for its healing. She pulls herself upright and watches the rain wash away all the layers of mud and filth. The drops come faster and heavier and with renewed energy she stands to her feet. She glances at her hands, scratched and bruised from fighting but finally clean. She raises them to the sky and laughs. 

Battling the Brain Barriers

John Bunyan once said that if we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more good for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot. I believe that many of our greatest battles begin and end with our thoughts. Thoughts are unpredictable, unstable, and rambunctious. They threaten great sin and have the power to do immeasurable damage if unchecked. In 1 Corinthians 5:7 Paul tells us that we need to purge out the old leaven so that we may be a new lump. Leaven symbolizes more than just sin to me. It also represents a level of self awareness that could be potentially dangerous if left untreated. When Jesus spoke of the Pharisees and Sadducees, he was warning his disciples to be wary of toxic doctrine. Along with teachings that went against what he was trying to preach, he was warning them of the dangers of getting too puffed up with the self. A holier than thou attitude can be fatal, not only to the hearer, but also to the doer.

How do we combat this restless evil that lurks within our subconscious? The first thing we need to do is take inventory. With feather duster in hand, we should go through each room in our minds and do a gut check. Anything that is out of place, rancid, or toxic should be immediately removed. This is done with prayer and repentance. Once the dust has been cleared we can make room for praise and worship. Upkeep is relatively simple. We just need to remember to take every thought captive and offer it up to Christ. The cycle can be repeated as often as necessary. Examine, eliminate, and exalt.

The enemy would like nothing more than for us to be distracted and unfocused. We cannot accomplish anything if our brain is inactive. We must remain obedient and steadfast in our calling. Now is the time for swift and deliberate action. We are in a wonderful position to use all of the tools God has given us to go and make disciples. With Christ all things are possible and every day has the potential to be miraculous.

In Remembrance

I wrote this story several years ago but it just seemed appropriate to post it this week. We will never forget...

The smell of coffee percolating wafted into the bedroom before the alarm went off. Jenny rubbed the hair out of her eyes and slowly climbed out of bed, one body part at a time. A curly haired princess pranced into the bedroom. Oh, no. This was going to be difficult.

“Mommy, what are we doing today? Can we go to the park?”

Her dark hair bounced in time to her excitement. Clearly, the child had no memory of the day’s plans. It pained Jenny’s heart to think that it would be a very long time before she saw those dimples again. Her husband walked into the room, tousling the little girl’s ringlets.

“Daddy, why are you home?”

“Remember, honey we talked about this. Mommy is going away today.”

The tiny mouth twisted into a frown. Big eyes filled with water and threatened to spill over.

“She’s leaving today? I thought it was tomorrow.” All the energy drained out of the room like water in a bathtub.

“Your father and I discussed this with you, remember? I’m sorry.”

The other children suddenly appeared in the doorway, their faces somber with truth. Jenny gave each of them a quick hug before kneeling down to the little one.

“Why don’t we have some chocolate chip pancakes and then you can help me pack? Ok? Maybe after that we’ll stop by the ice cream parlor before I leave.”

“Ok.” It was said without eye contact. Heavy feet dragged out the door and descended the stairs.

Hardly a word was spoken while breakfast preparations were underway. Jenny’s husband, Carl watched her from the dining room table, his morning paper perched sternly in his lap. His eyes scanned the classifieds, as he stole an occasional glance in his wife’s direction. How long would it be before he stroked that beautiful auburn hair again? He tried not to think about it.

“Ok, everybody come and eat!”

Plates and cutlery clanged and rattled as the food was served. Two adults and three children sat at the table. Nobody moved. Nobody ate.

“Listen, I’m sorry it has to be like this. They need me. You understand, right?”

The older one, David piped up.

“Yes Mom. We understand and we’ll help Dad. It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry ok? Right, you guys?”

The older children nodded in agreement as they slowly shoveled food in their mouths.

Such a brave little soldier, she thought. How she would miss him. She put her plate in the sink and watched out of the corner of her eye. Her youngest was sitting in her father’s lap, no longer interested in the melted chocolate. Her middle daughter was reading the comics section of the paper. She would cry after her mother was gone, a seemingly hereditary trait in this house.

Jenny quickly turned her head before they caught her staring. It was time to dress and pack. She headed to the bedroom unnoticed. A green canvas bag met her at the foot of the bed. Carl must have taken it out while she was in the restroom. She fingered the tan coat. Her last name was stitched across the right side of the chest, the American flag on the right shoulder. Pride mixed with trepidation welled up inside her. As much as she loved her job, leaving was always the hardest part about it.

She opened the bag and filled it with the standard gear. Green and tan would be her primary colors for the next 15 months. Her M16 rifle would accompany her after she got on the bus. Once dressed, she studied herself in the mirror before heading downstairs for the last time. Pliers, a couple of knives and a screwdriver adorned her vest. Her hair was pulled up and off her neck, hidden under a round, digitized hat. It was explained to her in basic training that the digital pattern actually reduces the threat of enemy attacks, compared to the old style of camouflage that was once prevalent. Her tan combat boots made a thomp, thomp, thomp sound on the hardwood floor. She kissed her family and said goodbye.

Lady Liberty’s torch burned angrily in the night sky. Jenny watched from her seat on the airplane and bowed her head.

“Father, please keep them safe while I’m gone. Help them to know that the others I join are standing with me in prayer for their protection and uninterrupted freedom. Remind them how much I love them. Amen.”

Peace From Within

I was born with a crooked nose. Like most kids with something different about them, I was picked on. Every day I came home crying, cursing the face that God had given me and wishing just for once that I could be beautiful. I hated my nose. Then I became a teenager.

When I was around 12 or 13, something strange happened. Suddenly my nose was not the hideous defect I’d always thought it was. It was unique. I was different than everyone else in my school and this made me happy. When people called me “bent nose” I just smiled and said thank you. I had come to the place in my life where it did not matter what they said. I was finally at peace with who I was and what I had been given. Ironically, it was about this time when my face was going to be altered whether I liked it or not.

The doctor said that if I didn’t have the surgery I would have breathing problems for the rest of my life. Funny thing, his “corrective” surgery did the opposite. Not only did the crook not get fixed, I got an added bump and I’ve had breathing issues ever since he sliced me open. I have learned to be ok with this too. Although this is not the nose I was born with, it still makes me unique and I have a story to tell any time someone gathers enough courage to ask.

With the nose issue finally laid to rest I realized I had another score to settle with myself. Because the shape of my mouth naturally turns downward, it occurred to me that unless I’m in a fully fledged grin, it would appear to everyone that I’m constantly frowning. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to answer the question, “Are you ok? You look angry.” “Is everything alright? You look sort of sad.” While it is slightly annoying that I just naturally appear perturbed or sad or uncomfortable, I have finally found a solution that is fool-proof and absolutely free. I’m going to smile everywhere I go.

Smiling not only provides the assurance to everyone around me that I am in fact ok, it also boosts my spirits when I’m not. I am carrying a message to the world. I am in love with life, my God, and I actually kind of like myself. Even when things are not ok the act of showing my happy face reminds me of a greater meaning. Things are never as bad as you think they are when you turn your frown upside down.

 

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls- yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation".—Habakkuk 3:17-18